When Couples Therapy Can Help

Many couples who come to therapy want the same thing at heart. They want to feel close and truly understand each other. And yet they keep ending up at the same point: against each other instead of with each other.

That’s not a sign that the relationship isn’t working. Often, patterns have developed that are difficult to get out of alone.

Typical patterns

A common one: one person seeks conversation and pushes for clarity. The other withdraws, needs space. The more one pushes, the more the other pulls back. Both actually want the same thing, connection and safety, but their strategies trigger the exact opposite in their partner.

Conflicts then often escalate quickly or fizzle out without anything really being resolved. When outside stress enters the picture, intimacy is usually the first thing to suffer.

What happens in couples therapy

I work with both partners together. My role is not to take sides or to judge who is right. The aim is to understand how the dynamic between two people develops, what each person needs, and what is actually happening in the moment of conflict.

Often, simply naming the patterns makes a difference. When both people understand what they trigger in each other, something shifts.

When is couples therapy useful?

Not only when a relationship is near its end. Couples therapy can also be valuable when you notice communication patterns developing, before exhaustion sets in. The earlier, the more room there is to work.

Practical

Sessions take place online, by video call. Both partners can join from different locations. A session lasts 50 minutes.

Nastassja Volkov, Licensed Psychotherapist